This is our story well the part 2 of it anyways.
This is a continuance to my post named Eyes Wide Shut (Part 1).
My hope is that some of you will find solace in knowing that all the struggles each of us are going through all lead up to something greater than us….more epic than ourselves and the easily visible world surrounding us, like links in a chain. A link alone you will struggle to arrange but the entire chain has many uses.
I ask you to open your minds. My objective by the end of my life (and this blog) is to allow the world and all the broken people in it to see that nothing in life is set in stone. No matter what stony path you are on or have stumbled down (or were forced down) that you still have the power to make that broken, cracked, unreal path into something epic.
By telling our story we hope to inspire those that struggle and battle through all these things daily.
You are not alone in your struggle. So stay strong and even though it seems you’re being dealt the absolute shittiest hand…. I promise there is a worthy cause and a lesson to be embraced and refined.
Following my last post things only got worse, much much worse. The people that initiated this hatred just continued to take it to an entirely new level. A quite unbelievable level. The place they have left us in is money less, car less, nearly homeless, memory less, and defiantly hopeless. Then as it seemed, everything that could go wrong outside of what could be caused by them, did.
I’m on this medication called Avonex pens and it gets shipped monthly to me and it’s made from human plasma so has to be refrigerated. EACH pen is a cost of $6,196.00. I take it once a week so the box contains 4 pens. This is a box worth $24,784.00. Of course my insurance pays that, not me, but should something happen to it obviously it is on me to pay. My apartments have a package receiving service in which thus far, they have always been good at delivering promptly. They are aware of my condition and the box is VERY clearly marked perishable and clearly labeled that it’s medication. So unknown to me at the time, they received it on a Friday at 10:04am. Come Tuesday, when the shipping company opens again (due to a holiday on Monday) I call, was informed the leasing office received it now 4 days ago because both the office and shipping company had been closed through the weekend. My husband calls the office… they admit they received it, give no reason as to why it was never delivered to me. Jason (my husband) explains how important it is and that it costs $24,784 to replace. They immediately got defensive and tried excusing it. He continued to express how critical it is I take this medication and that we can’t afford to pay 24,000 plus dollars to replace it. Not to mention we are paying $1,500 a month for a 2 bedroom apartment and not by choice but that’s a whole different story in itself. Something definitely needs to be done about this medication. They nonchalantly say, “you should see if it’s actually spoiled first,” Uhhh ya ok. Needless to say we checked the medication out, called the Pharmacist and sure enough, it’s spoiled. They submit a hopeful request to the insurance company to try and get it paid for again and will get back to me. If the insurance company does not agree to replace it the pharmacy will try to get a partial courtesy credit to cover part of the medication cost. YA BECAUSE I CAN AFFORD EVEN ONE OF THE 6,196 dollar injections! HA…that’s hilarious but I do appreciate it. Not gonna happen, especially not after everything that has gone down in our lives.
I mean we had to take a bus and walk to the grocery store with 3 kids, myself with MS and an overly exhausted husband in 112° heat walking and hobbling to the 5 mile away grocery store. Then, because we have never had to ride a bus in a big city before, let alone a new area, we passed right on by our stop not realizing it. We ended up a few more miles (what seemed like 10 miles) further down. We got off the bus and to our surprise the bus doesn’t run in the area we just got off in at 10pm. Ok what now? So this means another bus would not be coming by to pick us up until the morning. Lovely! Just what we needed right now….or ever!
So now picture this, Jason, myself, Braidyn, Rhyker, Carsyn, a good size cooler, a double stroller and all of our groceries, including a huge flat of water, are walking in what’s considered Phoenix at night. Yes Phoenix…and yes we are a little scared. No busses are running in this area. We don’t have car seats or the money to get all of us a taxi. Plus, did I mention it’s hot as Hell outside? Jason offers to send me home in a taxi with the groceries because by this point I can hardly walk, more like limp, due to the mobility issue I have. Not to mention how badly heat affects me but I’d never leave my family like that. I mean, that’s the kind of shit you see on like forensic files. Right about this time a black suv pulls over, a young girl pokes her head out calmly and asks if we’re ok. She proceeds to explain how she saw us on her way to a friends headed the opposite direction. It wasn’t until on her way back that she realized what had probably happened to this family that that doesn’t really appear to be in place. She proceeds to explain that, she figured we had taken the bus there by accident and how she used to ride the bus with her son all the time and she too had made the same mistake causing them to get stuck as well. So, she offers us a ride. It was just her and her 3 yr son in the suv. So we thought amongst ourselves quickly. Although against our better judgment really what choice did we have at this point? After all, this sweet young girl was willing to put herself and her son at risk for us…. because let’s face it, you really don’t know what people are going to do now days. Needless to say, this kind-hearted young girl gave all five of us, along with all the groceries and stuff we had, a ride home. We were saved. Saved from the agony, heat, pain and so much more. Not to mention how our poor children would have viewed the whole situation, I mean it was going to be a several mile haul. We made her take the little bit of money we had because what she did was worth much, much more to us than money. I walked away thanking her deeply, trying so hard to hold back the tears that are welling up in the ducts of my eyes. It wasn’t a sadness that was causing this. It was that, I had almost completely lost faith and hope in humanity. I lost faith in that our luck would never change and realized good deeds done are not good deeds won. I lost hope in people. It had seemed that genuine, kind, selfless people just no longer existed. We have always tried to help anyone around us that needed it. We remained open minded and tried hard not to judge people. Many times I have given my last dollar. I have so many epic stories and it’s as though my addiction had become seeing those joyful tears stream across the faces of the hopeless, broken souls that have all but given up. Being in that magic moment when you have just selflessly given even a small piece of hope to another human is unreal and definitely addicting. I lost hope that this existed still in the world in others. But these tears I held back amounted to the hope that this young girl had just restored inside me and she had no idea. This gave me the power to continue fighting for something greater.
As I’ve said before I’ve been through a lot in my life….I’m quite unaffectable (probably not a real word but definitely should be) when it comes to being unfortunate in life… however this has me all crazy in the head. GREED has taken over the people I love and it seems there’s so many people that are selfish and downright cruel. Then, it just comes over me, as I’m crying and sitting here planning my revenge because I’m SO angry. This CRAZY THOUGHT, THAT I NEED TO FORGIVE THESE PEOPLE…all of them. I literally argued with myself about this… thinking that’s crazy, how could I? (Told you I was crazy by this point lol) This whole situation has just topped most things….It’s like God was saying to me that I was allowed to be hurt but I need to forgive these people. I’m a thinker. So, I think everything through very thoroughly. As I’m trying to rationalize this in mind ….thinking about why they would have done what they’ve done to us and what the intent was behind it, as well as all the other details surrounding all that has happened. Later that evening, my husband returned from work. As I’m talking to him more about the revelation I had… in which I had already told him some earlier on the phone but he says to me, “you know, I came across the craziest thing today” and he pulls up this passage….
As I read this, chills came over my entire body while tears began flooding my eyes and then spilling over onto my cheeks. It was and is exactly what had been happening in the world around us. This was occurring not just in our little world but we’ve seen stories and post from friends and other family around us that seem to be dealing with similar circumstances on a more frequent and higher level than ever seen before. Needless to say this gave me the confirmation and strength I needed to forgive the people behind all this. Plus, I had really started to think that I must have done something so bad in my life and I’m being paid back… like karma you know? But, as I thought back through my life, I just really couldn’t pinpoint anything I’d done to deserve what life was placing in my path. Sure no one’s perfect by any means and I’m certainly not but I do know that I’m kind, giving, caring, compassionate, extremely HONEST, I don’t cheat or steal, I love deeply, I treat others with respect, I love my kids and try with all I have to be the best possible mom I can, I try to be the best wife I can, Jason and I do not fight or yell at each other alone or ever. We have only raised our voices one time at each other in almost 7 years (and YES at times this was hard and takes strength) so our kids don’t have to see us fighting, screaming or yelling at each other. Above all, we love God and try our best and are getting better at it each day. We try to do his will in the right way. We teach our kids the same values surrounding our faith and life in general. We read to our children, educate them, provide for them, treat them well and don’t hurt or hinder them and most of all love them unconditionally. I’m sure there’s more but you get the point.
I just couldn’t understand why we are being dealt such a bad hand you know? When we read this passage it was so clear to the both of us… the reason we couldn’t understand why it would be karma or pay back or whatever, was because it was not any of these things….it was God. He was testing us… because like he says, in the last days people will change and turn ugly, even when they claim to be religious and it is then that we must remain in our faith and forgive…not allowing ourselves to be blinded by the need for revenge (even if you know the revenge could be epic and that your knowledge could destroy all of those in the path of that revenge) although tempting, we must overcome this and find God’s will and plan in every situation, good or bad.
So in this moment I made up my mind and committed to forgiving. Revenge was not worth giving up having something and someone far more powerful on my side, fighting in my corner.
In this moment my anger seemed to slip away as though it was a note in a bottle being pulled out to sea. It was like I was given a new set of eyes that could now see the entire situation from an entirely different view. I was given the ability to truly look beyond my hurt and see how the greed that caused all of this may have been so overwhelming to them that they felt it was their only choice for survival. I truly forgave them and since that moment Jason and I sat there discussing and realizing this we have become closer, stronger and happier even given our situation ( and if you read Part 3 you will find our situation only gets worse…yes worse ). Do you know the very next day we started getting answers to our prayers for example: We had family step up and help out with the car situation, so we should have a temporary vehicle soon. Then Jason, whom has tirelessly been applying for jobs since we arrived in Arizona with no luck, (which is part of the issue we’ve had) gets an email from a job we applied to 4 or 5 months ago. Literally, the PERFECT job for him and what do you know, he’d get a company vehicle that he can even drive to and from home.
So, he jumps on it, has a phone interview and the guy is utterly impressed. Then, a couple days later he has a video interview with him. It went outstanding (I listened from the other room…hehe). I believe this will change everything, plus, during all of this he gets a call out of the blue from his sister whom knows nothing about the issues we’ve had because we don’t generally tell anyone what we’re going through. She offered him an opportunity to work from home part time for some extra money. That couldn’t of happened at a better time right? Exactly!
Then, I get this message on a stroller I’m trying to sell but actually decided to keep now. This poor young girl was asking for donations for her 2 yr old boy whom she can’t get back from child protective services unless she has a room and all the essentials for him. He was taken because the girl and boy were stuck in an abusive situation caused by the boys dad. Now that she’s safely away from him he can be reunited with the mom but she had to start over with nothing and she’s 8 months pregnant…eeek. The crazy thing is that I had just gone through all my boy’s old clothing, bagged them up and was going to go sell them to help our situation. Of course I couldn’t help but feel as though I’d been given an opportunity to help somebody in need that is genuinely trying to do the right thing. It takes a lot of courage to message a complete stranger and ask for donations. So of course I offered to give her everything I have. I really saw it as another opportunity to help with the little I have.
This is the end of Part 2…I will be posting a Part 3 soon. Unknown to us at the time things only got much harder and more complicating. We were about to learn some of the hardest lessons in life…
My hope is that this helps even one person get through something they thought they couldn’t or someone that questions God because things are so unbearable. I promise that even if the road that’s in front of you hardly appears to be a road anymore, that if you keep walking and leave room for God to walk beside you… that there will be, without a doubt…a glorious path ahead!
Keep in mind that even a road so long that you’ve worn out every pair of shoes and you’re at the point that your walk has become a stumble….then diminished to a crawl all whilst the cracks are so large it seems you would have to fly to get beyond them….just remember that there’s still road… that makes it only a crack, otherwise it would be the end.